Andy?s summer tips

By Andy Krutsinger, Mt. Pleasant News


It?s not every day your local sports guy gets to do the weekly column but on this final day of June the stars have officially aligned.

Now, I?m not going to talk about sports in this column. If you can read about sports stuff on the inside pages, then what do you need the sports page for?

And I?m not going to talk about politics. If there is one thing people hate, it?s when sportswriters or talking heads on ESPN use their platform to shove their political opinions down your throat. When I go to Fazoli?s, I don?t want the server lecturing me about healthcare plans, or yapping about some oil pipeline. I?m just trying to get some chicken alfredo and some Mr. Pibb, am I right?

Instead, I?ve decided this would be a great opportunity to give back to the community by offering some tips. And given that it is almost July, it?s the appropriate time to tell you how to make this summer your best ever.

I?ve worked tirelessly, night and day to put together this list of five must-do?s for the summer of 2017.

Go golfing ? Golfing is the undisputed number one summer sport that involves clubs, holes and golf carts. Try to think of a better one. Spoiler alert, you can?t.

I find the sport quite humbling myself. Nothing calms your ego like trying to find your golf ball in the middle of a corn field across the street from the green.

The other great thing about golf is you?re outside, which means you?re all tan and sweaty afterwards. That makes it look like you worked out, even though you really just drove a golf cart around snacking on gummy worms and drinking Surge.

Remember when I said I wasn?t going to talk about sports in this column? I totally fibbed and you totally fell for it.

Watch Impractical Jokers ? From the torpid wasteland of mediocracy that is TruTV, ?Impractical Jokers? arose in 2011 and changed the reality TV game forever.

Sal, Joe, Q and Murr have delighted homes around the world for almost six seasons now and new episodes are coming out in the upcoming months. Remember who told you about it.

Reading the Mt. Pleasant News ? This is an obvious one. You need to know what?s going on in the community and let?s face it, reading the newspaper is old school, and being old school is cool.

It?s pretty easy to buy a subscription and super fun to read. So much fun that I bet you?re reading it right now.

Drinking Surge ? Remember earlier in this column when I talked briefly about drinking Surge? That was called foreshadowing. Whoa, I bet you didn?t think I was going to get all ?Romeo and Juliet? on you.

When I was a kid, Surge was the soft drink that parents weren?t supposed to let their kids drink. It was also the tastiest beverage you could buy, which caused quite a conflict in households everywhere.

Surge was said to be so sugary and loaded with caffeine that Coke actually discontinued the drink in 2003, despite the fact it actually had pretty similar sugar and caffeine portions than all the other soft drinks. I guess in the early days of internet, consumers didn?t know how to check their pop facts.

The drink was just re-introduced in 2014, but not everybody knows that. So when you buy your first can, remember how fortunate you are, and that people that lived back in 2004-2013 couldn?t have any.

Oh, and don?t worry about how many calories it has. You can just work it all off later in the day when you?re on the golf course.

Learning ? Did you know the number of librarians in the United States peaked in the year 1990? If you didn?t, you?ve already learned something today. Doesn?t that feel cool? Now you can act smart whenever that question comes up in a real life situation.

It?s a well-known fact that people learn less in the summer. Especially schoolchildren who spend all their time golfing and pounding Surge.

You can?t just turn your brain off for four months and expect to be ready for fall. You need to be prepared. That goes out to both kids and parents, because you know the little ones will come asking questions when they can?t think of any fun facts for their presentations on the history of librarians in the U.S.

So read up, work out, watch a little TV and stay hydrated. Because if you follow these five steps, you?ll always look back on the summer of 2017 as the greatest summer you?ve ever had.