A view of mother through the eyes of a second grader


Mt. Pleasant News

Oops, ?tis column time and I am not ready. In a former life, I had no problems with sitting down on a Sunday night and writing whatever came into my head (my columns ran Monday at a former newspaper).

Age, however, has a way of slowing down the process (and speeding up others) and more preparation is needed now. With a number of other things going on, the column thing didn?t even make the back burner this week so I am in a borrowing mood.

What follows is something you may have read before, but a re-read will provide a few chuckles. This stuff never gets old. It was given to me by a co-worker and is entitled ?Why God Made Mothers,? or thoughts from second-grade students on the topic. The questions are followed by the students? responses.

Why did God Make Mothers?

? She?s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.

? Mostly to clean the house.

? To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?

? He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.

? Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.

? God made my mom just the same like He made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?

? God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.

? They had to get their start from men?s bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?

? We?re related.

? God knew she likes me a lot more than other people?s moms like me.

What kind of a little girl was your mom?

? My mom and has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.

? I don?t know because I wasn?t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.

? They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?

? His last name.

? She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?

? Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say no to drugs and yes to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?

? My dad makes the best spaghetti.

? She got too old to do anything else with him.

? My grandma said that mom didn?t have her thinking cap on.

Who?s the boss at your house?

? Mom doesn?t want to be boss, but she has to because dad?s such a goof ball.

? Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.

? I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What?s the difference between moms and dads?

? Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.

? Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.

? Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power ?cause that?s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend?s.

? Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?

? Mothers don?t do spare time.

? To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?

? On the inside she?s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.

? Diet. You know her hair. I?d diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?

? She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I?d get rid of that.

? I?d make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.

? I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.